February 28, 2015

Why I've Been So Quiet


I've been quiet lately because I was having a crisis of positivity. I didn't want to be disingenuous when I wasn't feeling positive, so I just didn't post at all. Honestly, it's hard to be positive when you are cold and discouraged. 

It's warming up a bit, and spring is almost here, so I'm feeling much better. Spring is my favorite season, even if it doesn't last very long here in FL. It certainly lasts longer in North FL than in Southwest FL, but it's still way too short. Nevertheless, I enjoy the balmy weather and being able to go out in the middle of the day to walk to the store or just sit out in the yard. 

I've been thinking about moving. I don't have any idea where to go, so I've decided not to stress myself by trying to go somewhere else right now. I'm going to stay in Gainesville for another year, save more money, then decide what to do. I'm already looking for another place to live, because this house just isn't going to work for me. It costs way too much to heat and cool, and I'm tired of being uncomfortable. 

I'm looking for something much smaller, but not too small. I may have found a place that is cheap yet nice enough with a decent sized patio for my plants. I'm going to look at it next week, but I'm not making any decisions just yet. Better things may come available closer to the fall semester. There are a few cute cottages around here that come available almost every year, so I'm keeping my eye out for those. 

All I know is that even if I have to move into a bedroom and put all my stuff in storage, I have to get to some place that is quieter. I don't mind the neighborhood so much. Most people try to take care of their places. There is only one place that is ramshackle and nobody seems to care, but it is right across the street from me, and I don't like looking at it all the time. I tried to be positive at first, but that positivity has quickly drained away and I just want to find a place that makes me feel good. 

I thought about a studio, but I have all this "stuff," and I really just don't want to get rid of any of it right now. I will eventually, but not right now. I need to be settled somewhere where I have time to deal with it, where I'm not always working my tail off to make enough money for the bills or to move once again. 

I considered moving to Pensacola, where I'd be close to the beach, but it would cost too much to move there, and I'm not sure I can make enough money by then. Besides, I am just getting to know my way around Gainesville, and need to try to hang in there one more year and see what I can work out to make my life better here.

So I'm cautiously optimistic about my future, but a lot is still up in the air, which leaves me without much to say. I'll try to be better about posting. After all, spring is here and it's the happiest time in the world for me.


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